What I want everyone to know

A list of things I want everyone to know

• If I tell you my son has autism, please do not say you are "sorry" or that you "hate that this  happened." I may not show it, but these statements hurt and offend me. I will always tell you that there is no reason for you to feel this way. I am quite happy with my son and I would not change him. I know people don't mean harm and they just dont't know what to say. I won't hold it against them in the long run, but this is a heads up for any reading.
• Our lives involve a lot of planning. Not only because of various therapy appointments, but because I know how much Lukas can handle. Lukas is becoming more and more flexible with gentle pushing, but he is very routine oriented, as most ASD people are. He also can go into a meltdown from overstimulation. If I can avoid it before it happens, our lives and his are much easier. If we have to leave an outing or sidetrack to "chill out" please don't take it personal.
• A "meltdown" is more then a tantrum. Basically, it's a panic attack. An example is one day we went to a different grocery store then his usual and this set Lukas off. He screamed, shook, panicked, and even hit himself. Once a meltdown starts it basically just has to run it's course. Occassionally his I-pad can distract.
• Behaviors like the meltdown are not because my son is a "brat." Spanking him is not the answer and would make it worse. We will not spank Lukas. I don't think it's good for an ASD kid. I am not bashing mom's who spank, I just know it is not good for my son. Please don't suggest it and keep your parenting advice to yourself unless I ask:)
• Lukas has a very limited amount of foods that he eats and there is absolutely no way to trick him or make him eat something different. The oldschool idea that he just has to eat what he is offered or starve does not work. There are kids with ASD who have ended up on feeding tubes. One time Lukas didn't feel good and stopped drinking. He had to have IV fluids to rehydrate himself. At this point, I am just glad that eating is not as much as a struggle as it use to be. His foods may be limited, but he is healthy and growing.
• While I don't want sympathy, it irks me to hear, "all kids are picky" or anything else that downplays the extremes Lukas displays. No, your child didn't live off of yogurt and pudding for months. All I want is for people to understand and accept that some things Lukas does ARE different! That is all.
• Don't exclude us. My son needs practice socially. He is limited verbally and will need help as he grows older to understand relationships, to play and talk back and forth, and to make friends. As of now, my son has no friends. I often feel isolated and left out. One of my greatest wishes is to forge relationships with other moms and children who understand us and embrace us.
• This is cliche in the autism community, but it is true. "If you have met one person with autism, you have met one person with autism." No two people has exactly the same traits. A lot of people think that kids with autism hate to be touched. Sure, there are some that don't like to be touched, but there are a lot who love to cuddle. My son is one of those. I heard someone say that MOST peope with ASD are non verbal. Not true. It can range all the way from non verbal to extremely gifted verbally.
• Being non-verbal does not mean a person with autism is not smart. There are non-verbal people who have IQs at genius levels!
• I dont like to sit and talk about theories as to why autism exists or how to "cure" it. The autism community is very divided and it makes it very hard for me to even connect with other autism families because I choose always be positive. I do not like negative awareness.
• Again, It do not view my child as afflicted with a disease. If you think that way, please keep it to yourself.
• I don't need you to send me some new study and ask me for instance if I had a fever during pregnancy. They have linked 100000 different things to autism. How does it help me to tell me it may have been my fault?
• Do not talk about my child like he is not there. Trust me, he understands you and takes it in even if he seems like he isn't paying attention.
• This is blog about autism, but it may suprise you that autism is just a part of our life. I don't look at my kid and see "my autistic child." I see Lukas. Yes, it is a part of him and it's not a part that I am "fighting" or "battling." It just is.