Letting go

   Vacation is over and it's back to to the "normal" life, whatever that is. We all had a ball. I was so proud of Lukas. He handled the car ride like a champ, which I was really worried about. I was also worried about how he would handle having his routine all changed up since that is a common issue with autism, but he handled everything in stride. He went with the flow except for one night he was overtired and a total grump, but refusing to go to sleep. That resulted in Michael and I stepping in and going to bed with him. It was 10:30 and he screamed for 30 minutes before he gave up and passed out. We were right there with him the whole time. I'm sure Grammy and PaPaw just loved listening to that.

   Lukas loved the beach. Everyone who saw him smiled. He ran through the waves laughing and shrieking. He piled sand into castles. He walked up to random kids and started in on activities they were doing like piling sand into castles. He even walked up to one who was sitting down and intently playing with sand and stuck his face in the kid's face and said, "Hi" I liked to observe his behavior in public. Except for the one yankee jackass who came over and said, "My kids are really friendly, but they have worked on that sand moat for 2 hours so everything will be ok as long as you fix what your son may mess up" everything was awesome.


   Sometimes I really don't believe the"diagnosis" that was mentioned. Lukas will do so many things that are the opposite of what you would think an autistic kid would do. Other times, it's obvious to me that he is "non-typical." He has so many strengths and continues to improve and develop all the time. It's just at a different pace. Lukas does things the way he wants and always has. We have an appointment at the Olsen Huff center with  a developmental physician in December. Everyone says, "December!?" I could care less. I am in no rush to hear someone tell me again my child is autistic. I want their opinion, but still, no rush. Lukas will continue with speech therapy, play therapy and be starting occupational therapy. I am also going to start an at home ABA program from a site called www.rethinkautism.com. We will be as proactive as possible because this is what gets results and I refuse to take the "sit back and wait" route.

   Vacation did us all good. I feel refreshed and renewed. I feel empowered most of the time and know that Lukas is going to be fine. I always wondered what my meaning was. I felt let down that I haven't gone further education wise. I realized that unfortunately, nursing is my job, but not my meaning. When I had Lukas I thought that maybe I was just meant to be a mother. Even that didn't feel completely right. Now, I feel a true calling. My PURPOSE is to devote my life to making Lukas a success. I don't know what the future holds and success is a very subjective word. Success will be helping Lukas to reach his potential, whatever that may be. The unknown is difficult for me. I like plans and I don't like surprises. Lukas is teaching me to let go and enjoy moment as they come.