Update

    On August 9th Lukas will be continuing with the assessments that we didn't finish at his most recent developmental assessment to find out where on the "spectrum" he falls. If you read my earlier post about the assessment, you know that I was so distraught there was no way that I could finish with all of the assessments and questioning. I spoke with Lukas' case manager today and she said the new psychologist who is coming out (I did not want the last one in my house again!) needs to do her scoring back at the office so she can think and get a full picture of Lukas. I thought, "Great, she's putting some real thought into this." I pondered on this some more. While this explanation may be true, I am leaning toward thinking that they actually are scared I am going to fall apart again and would rather give me the results over the phone. Nice.

    I'm so sorry I cried and was upset when I was told out of nowhere that my son has a developmental disorder that will affect him his entire life and that his future is unclear. I'm sorry I snapped at a cold psychologist who basically accused me of not caring about my son because I became overwhelmed and said "I can't handle this shit." Whatever. Let them walk on eggshells around me. All I ask for is some positivity, warmness, and a shoulder to cry on. I'm a nurse and that's what we do. I wasn't even a quarter as bad as some of the people I deal with on a regular basis! In fact, I think I was nice.

   We are still in limbo with some things. We have increased Lukas' play therapy to twice a week. I am still waiting on a call from Occupational Therapy and from his new Speech Therapist. My friend here in town is a special education teacher and she has agreed to come and work with Lukas as his tutor. I also still want Lukas to go to his preschool when they start up again for the school year. He loved school last year and I think it is important for him to be around other children. I am scared they are going to say they won't take Lukas. I know this won't happen, but I worry about him being the only kid who isn't "neurotypical." Will they provide him a little extra attention?

  Last year, the teacher's had sippy cups they used for the class. I told them that Lukas was unable to drink out of those cups and they agreed to let me bring his straw cup. I noticed once when we went on a fieldtrip that they packed the sippies, but not his straw cup. They said they had been giving him the other cup and sometimes he would drink out of it. I call bs. I didn't make a stink, though. They handed him the cup on the field trip and of course, he didn't take it and drank nothing while the other kids drank their juice. The other kids munched down their snack also, while of course, Lukas wouldn't eat it. Sigh.

  My mother was expressing her disgust the other day about how nowadays people just want everyone, especially kids, to be "little tin soldiers." Exactly the same. We instantly stamp the label on anyone who is "different" or "quirky." Mothers sit around and compare and see who's kid is the smartest or who can talk, count, walk first, etc. She described the kids who walk to the beat of a different drum as the "chosen ones." I liked that and also liked that my mother sounded a little like me. Michael and I have always been a little different. Lost in our own little world, consumed with each other's thoughts. Disgusted with society, people, government, the status quo. Admittedly, we have grown softer as we have gotten older, but the fire is still there. Lukas is a gift. Lukas ISN'T like every other child. He is stubborn and hard headed, independent, and there is a lot more going on his head than he expresses verbally. He is full of love and light and when he shows his love, you don't take it for granted because you know when the moment strikes and he hugs you, that he means it. I wouldn't want Lukas to be anything other than what he is. He is my son and he is AMAZING!