It's time I talk about a person who has been neglected on this blog. It's so easy on a personal blog to talk only about my feelings and how I see things, but I also have a husband named Michael who is extraordinary in so many ways.
Michael is a General Manager of a restaurant and works some serious hours to support our family. He averages around 50 hours a week, but often has worked way more. It is a high stress job and he's always on the clock, even if he is at home. He has climbed the ladder and his store has some of the leading numbers in the region. I have no doubt that he will only climb higher.
I really can't say truthfully how Michael is handling all of this with Lukas. He doesn't really have time to "mourn" and I know that he holds his fears and emotions back to protect me. We have had many talks, but I don't think they have gotten to the depth of the emotion he feels. One thing I am sure of is that he is stronger then me. He also fakes it better then me. I have a tendency to bare all. What you see is what you get. If I am sad, I feel it strongly. I cry and scream and everyone knows. It was June 22nd when I was first told the "news" and I have laid it all out and I am finally at a point where I am coping and *might* even be able to say I am happy. I'm a pain in the ass, but I don't hold it in and I think that helps me get over things. My husband on the other hand is the opposite. I keep waiting for the breakdown. I encourage it, even. I know that he will handle this all in his own way and his way most certainly doesn't have to be like mine. Can you imagine two people falling apart?
The other night I read him a blog by a mother of a boy with autism. The boys signs at the same age were much more severe then Lukas. At eight, it has been a long road, but his autism is almost undetectable to others. Michael was obviously touched and comforted. I work very part time, so I get to research and hear the successes. I get to network with other moms and realize this isn't the end of the world. Michael doesn't.
If there's anything I want Michael to know it is that he is loved and appreciated. I don't regret marrying young. I knew then he was it for me and I still know this. I am so blessed that he is my husband and the father of our son. I could never ask for anyone more faithful and loving and honestly, feel bad for a lot of women who ended up with men who aren't even a tad as awesome as Michael is.
Another thing he needs to know is that Lukas is ok and will be ok. I know this in my gut. I feel with certainty that he is going to shock everyone. Yes, he is going to take a lot more work then the "average" kid. He already has! And guess what? That's what makes him Lukas. He is bright and everyday I see the lightbulb growing brighter. This is not a kid lost in his own mind and everyday does something to amaze me.
Bekki, thank for this tribute to Michael. I love him deeply. I don't think he realizes it. I really have not had any real quality time with him to get in a good "talk" with him. I miss him so much and wish that he lived so much closer so we could interact more.
ReplyDeleteI also think he may be holding back his feelings which is not a good thing. I hope soon he will be able to let it out in a healthy way. He has alot of his grandfather in it. I too know that I was the luckiest woman to have had him as long as I do. And, there are no words to tell you what losing him has done to me. Just try to imagine what losing Michael would do to you......
I know your hands are full with helping Lukas, but try to find some quality time to give to him as well. I think about you everyday and wonder how Lukas is doing. Keep me informed when he makes progress. I love to hear about it.
Vergie