Goodbye

    Am I the only parent who has an autistic child who just considers themselves a mother? I'm not an "autism mom." In fact, very rarely do I even feel much of a connection with parents who have a child on the spectrum. There are a few and they know who they are.

   Am I the only one that hates assessments? The sterile atmosphere scattered with toys and fluorescent lights beaming down above, the presence of a stranger requesting my son "perform" for them so they can see what he can say or do. It only counts if he does it right then and there.

   Am I the only one who hates it when people tell them sorry that their child is autistic? How could you say "sorry" about my beautiful, curly headed, squealing, precious child? Does anyone else honestly like to be pitied?

   Is anyone else scared that this type of thinking, this pity, this shame people feel, will eventually be known to their children? That kills me more then anything. To think my son will someday know that people pity him and are sorry he is the way he was born! It terrifies me!

   Sometimes I wish I could live off the grid. Drop the therapy, sell everything, live out in the middle of nowhere. Yeah, I know there are tons of holes in this fantasy and we don't need to go there.


  As time goes on I have realized the problem is not my son or "his people." It's so many of you out there. For the time being, I am done blogging. It doesn't serve much of a purpose to me anymore. It use to be therapeutic, now it's just a waste of time. Of course, I will still dote on my son all over Facebook and post advocacy related things until everyone deletes me for being so annoying. I don't care.

   I  know this doesn't sound "sunny," but the truth is, things are great. I look forward to every new day with Lukas and I honestly feel more fulfilled then I have at any other point in my life. No longer do I sit and question if I have made the right choices in life, if I should change careers, or wonder what if. I have this calling and the calling is to be the best mother I can be to my son.