Catching up

    Lukas hit all of his "baby" milestones on time. He was sweet and cuddly, but also had a stubborn side. I remember my dad calling him an "ornery little shit." I always thought he was more difficult then other babies I met and wondered how these moms who got so frustrated by the smallest things got off so easy. Your kid woke up crying a few times this week? Really? Mine nurses 10-12 times a night! And yeah, I still have to get up and go to work part-time. We started co-sleeping at 7 months exclusively. It made life easier and although all the medical information warns against this, it felt natural and right and was the way moms nurtured their babies since the begining of time. I was always nervous when I slipped up and said that was how we slept because of the judgement of other people. Fortunately, at this point in the game I don't care what other parents think about my parenting decisions. Once you get use to being a mom, it all falls into place. What works for some moms doesn't work for others.

   At Lukas' 15 month well check the Dr. told me he was concerned that Lukas wasn't using any words yet. I was taken aback. He suggested Early Intervention, a state funded program that offers therapy services for kids under three on a sliding scale fee. We agreed to wait until 18 months, but at 18 months his only word was, "shoes." So while my friend's kids were flyng by and their mom's were telling me all the amazing things their kids were starting to say, mine was silent. We set up the early intervention evaluation.

   The evaulation was three different women, one of which who struck me as cold and uncaring. I had a hard time watching them evaluate and "judge" my son. I had long since taken all the books that told me what a child is "supposed" to do by certain ages and packed them away. Comments like, "He sure doesn't seem to pay attention to language" killed me. I finally broke down crying. How terrible to sit and listen to these three women analyze the love of my life's every single move. Anyway, it was determined that Lukas had a moderate to severe speech delay and he would be starting speech therapy as well as play therapy. My kid needs therapy! It was hard to fathom. I was told that speech delays are common and that he will catch up. Even the Dr. said this. Prognosis good. Nothing wrong.


    Fast foward to the present. Lukas is getting his 2nd developmental assessment. I think he is doing great. He's using some words during the assessment, interacting, and doing well on all the tests that are "visual." Then the cold lady from the last assessment pulls out the old MCHAT which is a quiz that evalautes for autism. She starts asking the questions and saying comments like, "his eye contact is fleeting." "He doesn't follow commands" "He doesn't interact on an age appropriate level." I lost it. I know where this bitch is going. I stand up and say, "I can't take this shit!" with tears in my eyes. She says, "Excuse me, this is your son, you'd think you'd WANT to know these things about him." I lost it. I told her of course, but she is overwhelming and scaring me. I told her I was a nurse and I have to deal when patients get upset and continue to be nice and so could she. She backed down, but she told me flat out, "Your son has autism."

   My whole body went numb. I saw tunnel vision. I couldn't answer questions. I cried and cried. I asked why nobody else on his "team" thought so, including his Dr. She went on to explain that she has been doing this 20 years and knows what she is doing. The rest is a blur. I was handed a pamphlet. She said she could officially diagnose him today. I said no. That I want second and third opinions. She mentioned Temple Grandin. I told her that freaked me out, too. Yes, she's a success story, but I said she's a freak! I said, is my kid always going to be weird, and her response was a sympathetic, "yes."