Autism the Musical

   Last night Michael and I took the plunge and watched a movie called, "Autism: The Musical." I have purposely stayed away from any movies dealing with the subject of Autism because they scare me. When I see older kids or adults with autism and they seem "different," do things that normal people see as strange, have meltdowns and so on, I get a glimpse of the possible future with Lukas and it is unbearable for me. I am coming to terms with this, but I prefer the taking each day as it comes method. Well, this movie seemed interesting to me. It is a documentary about a mom with a son who is very affected by his autism who starts a program teaching kids music and puts on a musical with them at the end. This is almost unthinkable, but it was a success. The children they focus on in the movie all have varying degrees of autism, showing the large spectrum. There are kid's with Asperger's all the way to a non-verbal autistic. No 2 kids who are autistic are the same and I am glad that people will get to see this.

   A lot of the focus was on the families and how they deal with their situation. I don't want to downplay any parent's true feelings or emotions related to a diagnosis or their experience with autism. I think all people's opinions are valid, even if I don't agree, but I do question if some kid's outcomes or at least the way they feel about themselves would be improved by an accepting and positive environment. One mother in particular who has a teenage daughter who is pretty profoundly affected, is the one who rubbed me the wrong way. I understand the depression and I understand the anger. Our kids ARE different and we face challenges daily that parents with neurotypical children never face. Most of the time it's not even worth talking about with other parent's because they just don't get it. I understand this mom's fear for the future. I don't think any parent who has an autistic child can deny those fears. When I speak with parent's about that fear, so often they will say, "You worry with any kid." That always makes me want to scream because it's not the same. Imagine not knowing if your child will have a chance to live independently. Imagine thinking that if not, someoneday when you die, your child will end up in an institution? Is that the same worries? No. So, I do feel feel for her, but I wish this mom could be happy.  Her daughter is beautiful and honestly, seems very happy. She "echos" mostly speech wise, but my goodness, what a beautiful singing voice! There comes a point where you have to accept the cards you were dealt and move on. This mother has admittedly never done this and you can't convince me that this isn't felt by her daughter.

   I did like the movie and it was a big step for me to watch. I will still only stick with movies on the subject that have a positive slant and steer clear of theories of cause and so on. It made me laugh and cry. At the end when the kids performed on stage I cried my eyes out. When everyone clapped, Lukas stood there and clapped, too. That only made me cry more! I think the movie is good for all people so they can see the wide range of the spectrum because these kids are all different. It shows how our lives are different and the stuggles we face to find adequate (affordable) education, keep our kids from being bullied, and so on.

   I only feel more confirmed that we are raising Lukas the way we should. Yes, we do and will always have struggles and those struggles will be different from the typical ones parents face. Yes, the future is unknown, but I still feel in my gut that Lukas' future is bright, even if it may very well be a future off the beaten path. If he can't find a traditional career, we will MAKE a career. We will always continue to love him with all we have, tell him he is perfect, and focus on his interests and strengths. We will make it through the hard times, the tough moments, the tough days, just like we always have and I will always go to bed each night thanking God for giving me Lukas.