Haircuts, school, and confidence

   Yesterday we took Lukas to get his haircut in preparation for starting school. I was really nervous about it because the last two times he had it done he screamed and cried like there was no tomorrow. Well, when we entered the salon I told the lady he may not be too happy getting his haircut and she said, "If he starts to get upset or move, we can't do his hair." Whenever I start to get angry my head starts to tingle. Well, the tingling started. "He starts school tomorrow and he needs his haircut.  I will hold him" and plopped down in the chair with Lukas in my lap. She continues to go on about how they had a kid in recently who had "sensory issues" and I guess the mom made a complaint about a stylist. I don't know the situation, so I won't go there, but I was darn sure Lukas was going to get a haircut. So what does Lukas do? He sits in my lap while his Daddy gets a haircut right next to him at the same time. He never cried, he never whined, and was sweet as can be. Another one of those moments where he proves me wrong. Lesson? Don't make assumptions, keep my mouth shut until there is an issue, and always get Lukas a haircut at the same time as Daddy.

   Lukas started his second year at preschool today. After the diagnosis I thought maybe Lukas wouldn't be able to return to a regular classroom and there are no preschools in the area for kids with any kind of special need. I didn't know if the school would take him back. (Yes, schools will say they do not have the skills to work with a kid on the spectrum.) They didn't say this with Lukas and actually his teacher sounded excited to work with him.

    As I got Lukas ready for class today I kept telling him he was going to school today. He kept saying, "School." I don't know if he was mimicking me or really grasped where we were going, but I tell you he had no problem arriving to his classroom. He waited with me for his teacher to open the door and was a tad nervous walking in, but it didn't last long. His teacher was prepared for him and brought him a whole basket full of trains! I left, watched him through the window, and he had a big smile on his face. Sweet success.

   When I went to pick him up and he saw me, he stood up with a huge smile on his face and ran to me. His teacher told me he had a great day, ate his snack (goldfish and animal crackers) and loved playing in the sandbox outside. He walked outside with me hand in hand and when he saw our car he got upset. He didn't want to leave school! What a relief. He must have really had a great time.

   I sometimes wonder if things are getting easier. I notice the gap more between Lukas and his peers verbally and socially. I know this gap has always been there, it was just that the kids were younger it was less apparent. Behavior wise, Lukas has improved. Meltdowns happen less, he's friendlier, he uses words, he eats well (although extremely picky). He doesn't wake up at night screaming. He is really progressing and I am so proud of him. To even know that he ate his snack today at school is amazing! Last year, that was a serious rarity and now he snacks away on his first day!

   My goal right now is to treat Lukas the same as any other kid. We do have to make some modifications, but it's no big deal. We have lucked out that Lukas doesn't have a lot of sensory issues. I am thankful that he is in a regular classroom. I hope he always continues to be, but that remains to be seen. I will take each day as they come. I don't want Lukas to ever focus on what some may say are "deficits." How is he supposed to have confindence and love himself if he is shown from a young age that there is something inherently wrong with him? What about the day when he sees his first commercial talking about how the way he is is an "epidemic" and that he needs to be "cured?" How dehumanizing!

  All I want for Lukas is acceptance, not to change him. I want POSITIVE awareness. Awareness that says, "Autistics are here, they aren't going anywhere, and to accept them for all their awesome qualities." His autism is not a "shame" or "tragic." I realize this point of view makes some angry, as evidenced by an earlier blog. Views on autism are as divided as the "mommy wars." As it is with whatever parenting style you fall into, you do what works best for you and your family. If Lukas was more severely affected, I possibly may see things a little differently then how I see them now. That's why I need to say that I certainly do not speak for everyone. I speak for myself and how I plan to raise Lukas. Nothing more.